Completely

The secret of life is letting go
The secret of love is letting it show
In all that I do
In all that I say
Right here in this moment
The power of prayer is in a humble cry
The power of change is in giving my life
I’m laying it down
Down at your feet
Right here in this moment

Chorus:Take my heart
Take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
And let all this is within me lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone
Completely

The journey of life is a search for truth
This journey of faith is following you
Every step of the way
Through the joy and the pain
Right here in this moment
Right here, right now, and for the rest of my life
Hear me say
I am yours and yours alone
Completely



Everytime I hear this song it makes me cry. It reminds me that I need to start relying on God more. I try so hard to rely on him, but sometimes I screw up and don't!!! I need to rely on God to help get Lee and I pregnant!!

Why???

Body, why do you do this to me??? Why can't you either have AF show up on time or get pregnant??? Why do you have to play games with me? Why do you let me have hope that I might be pregnant and then bring all of that crashing down? Why can't you just be normal and do what you are supposed to do!!! You just piss me off! I can't stand when you do this to me!! Just be normal for once!!! Don't get me all excited and then hurt me!!! UGGGGHHH!!! I hate you body!!!!!

I just had to cry

So I tested this morning and it was a BFN! I thought for sure that we had finally done it! I had some spotting on CD 23 and it was only when I wiped. Then I had some more on CD 29. But once again, only when I wiped. And I had been feeling really sick to my stomach. So I just thought b/c I had never had the spotting like that, that it had to be a good sign. But nope. My dreams were crushed, yet again!!! I just had to sit there and cry. It's just hard when you want something so bad and you don't get it.
DH and I have been married now for almost 2 years and it just sucks that we don't have a baby! I just want to know what it feels like to be pregnant and have a baby! I know our time will come when God has it in his plans, but I just wish I knew it was going to happen.
A lot of ladies I know have been getting their BFPs after struggling and it is SO great to watch these ladies get them. It fills my heart with joy! :)
On a good note, I am down to 197. The weight is coming off. Slowly but its coming off. I have been exercising and now its time to kick my eating into high gear. It's time to cut out pasta, white bread, rice and anything else with lots of carbs. I can do it. My goal is by the time I go to New York to be down to 190. I have about 2 weeks to get these 7 lbs off! I know I can do it, its just going to take some hard work!