Dear God---

I guess these past few months, I have started to slip away! It just seems like things never go my way! It seems like when I pray to you, that maybe you don't hear me. I don't know. I know I should not stray away, but when I feel ignored, I put up a front.
Just a few questions.
When is it going to be Lee and I's time to become parents? We have tried for so long and I am so sick of struggeling. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want the tears anymore. I don't want the fear of never being able to not be parents in my heard anymore. It's not a fun feeling to have. I have spent many nights just laying there thinking and asking WHY? But I never seem to get an answer. I just wish you would show me when our time is going to come or at least give me a hint. Every time I get the hint of AF, it just makes me want to go crawl in bed and just cry and not get back up. Sometimes I just don't know where to look.
You have put some amazing ladies in my life and if it were not for them some days, I wouldn't make it through. Their constant support and love has helped me tremendously. They always know exactly how to make me feel better and know that everything is going to be okay. They have been a huge help in this whole crazy STC thing!
And of course you gave me Lee who is my rock and support when I feel like I can't stand anymore. If it were not for him, I would have probably gone insane! He is there whenever I feel like I am going to fall and he helps me back up on my feet.
I see all these other ladies getting pregnant who have not tried for nearly as long, and I always wonder, why? Why don't they have to struggle but yet I have to struggle. I know that may sound selfish, but you know what? I can be a little selfish in the journey. There are so many people out there who just don't understand the struggle. They don't understand the contstant longing of having a child. They don't understand the heartache that comes along with it.
I just wish I knew when it was going to be Lee and I's turn to finally experience the joy of knowing that a child is coming! I want to be able to see those two pink lines and cry for joy and not cry becasue I only saw one line.
Some days it is so hard to get through anything because my head is consumed with the idea of having a child. Every little symptom I feel gets my head turning in a million different ways. I get a little glimmer of hope thinking oh maybe this is the month. But nope. It has never been the month yet. I try to not let this consume my mind, but it's so hard when I have wanted this for so long.
When I got married, I never thought in a million years it was going to take this long to have a child. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know? Maybe you are trying to teach me some patience, because I know I need to be patient. But it's so hard when I see so many woman get pregnant before me. Maybe you are trying to help me learn to rely on you more. I am trying Lord but sometimes I just feel like I want to give up. I feel like I just want to run away in a hole and not come out.
So please Lord, hear my crys and my prayers and please give me the gift of a child that I have been longing for. Please!