Ahh crap!

So on Thursday, my mom, me and my dad all headed up to Minnesota to visit my grandma. She has congestive heart failure and was not doing very good. I wanted to get up there to see her incase something were to happen. I was glad to see her perky and happy and alert. She is still not better, but at least she wasn't what I was expecting her to be.

So speaking of my parents, stuff between us still sucks. I think that I might hold stuff against them still. I don't think they have ever truly accepted Lee and wanted me to be with him. For some reason they just don't seem to like him. I don't get it! He is a GREAT guy and I love him very much! But stuff between us is still very awkward. They just go gaga over my sister because of Isaac and just give her so much attention, but when it comes to me, it's not the same. I just have a feeling that when I have a child, it will not get the attention that they deserve. At least I know Lee's parents will be wonderful grandparents and will spoil our children.

I watched Facing the Giants this weekend. In the movie, the wife and husband were having troubles conceiving. They turned to God and prayed and left everything in His hands. There was a part in the movie where the husband asked the wife if she would still love God if they didn't get children.
Well at the end of the movie, she goes to the doctor b/c she thought she was pregnant. The nurse told her that she was not. As she was leaving the parking lot, she spoke to God and said "I will still love you" (she ends up PG though)
Watching that movie really made me think. Will I still love God if he won't give me children? My answer of course was yes, but I know it won't be an easy thing to do. I don't know if I could completely understand why it would happen that way. I wouldn't be able to understand why a couple who wants children and will love them, aren't able to have that chance, but yet people who don't really deserve children (ones who can't take care of them or beat them), get children? That just doesn't settle well in my head! It would be a VERY hard situation to be in.

I just can't help but cry sometimes when thinking about the possibility of never having my own children. That is something I have always wanted. I just don't get it. It just blows my mind. I want children SO bad and so does Lee. So why don't we have children yet? Why God? When will it be our turn??